we have pet lesbian snakes
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The uberlube is also flammable
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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