I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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