im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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