its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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