the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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