just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
