drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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