I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
