just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
