Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
