Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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