i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
