i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
