As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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