i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
