Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
