did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
