Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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