i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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