Are we in a gay sports bar?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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