Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
