Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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