Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize