I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
