I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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