it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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