Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
