i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
