apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
