Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
