Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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