God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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