Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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