So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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