my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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