I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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