I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
