3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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