I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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