Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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