did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
