i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
