whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
