just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
