It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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