Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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