She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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