I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
