Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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