She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
