I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
