Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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