Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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