she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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