Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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