your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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