The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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