I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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