If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
