Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life is pants optional.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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