Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
