you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
