He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Even my vagina gasped.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
