I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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