Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
