If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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