Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
