Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
