I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
